Zen Baking

A very common complaint I've come across when I discuss my love of baking is that baking requires an exactness that does not belong to other forms of cooking. In order to attain the right texture, the right consistency, flavor, and form there are very precise combinations of ingredients depending on what you're trying to bake, be it cookies, croissants, muffins, or cupcakes. A slight miscalculation, failing to mix ingredients in the right order, leads to a baking failure. You must pay attention in baking, even in the easiest of recipes (though there are times when baking is very easy). This necessary order and precision is problem for many people. They want their cooking to be fun, free-form, and spontaneous. Toss in a dash of this, add a spoonful of that, cook for, eh, awhile, and viola! Delicious food. That kind of cooking is fun, and I do plenty of it, but there's something peaceful, something reassuring, about baking.
That's why I spent the evening in my kitchen, baking cupcakes (chili-chocolate and orange-chocolate). Technically I'm baking them for a friend's birthday party tomorrow, but I really would have found any excuse to make something. There are times when I find the exactness of baking a stabilizing influence and a calming one. Some weeks, like this past one, are just plain bad, filled with anxiety and a mental tiredness that makes me feel like my life stands on shaky ground. The stress causes me to doubt myself, my job, my choices and everyone around me, and I feel off-kilter and uncertain.
This is when baking is a zen mantra, a meditation that brings me back to center. I know that, whatever uncertainties pepper my life outside of that kitchen, baking will not fail me. As long as the ingredients are right and their quantities are well measured, I know what I'm going to get. Things are familiar and right and when the timer on the oven beeps, and the scent of freshly baked goods settles into every corner and crevice of my kitchen, I feel happy.
Yes, the act of baking goods is a small thing, and, in the grand scheme of my life, fairly unimportant, but the act of taking disparate ingredients and ordering them just so, is a satisfying one. I certainly hope that my friends enjoy these cupcakes, but sometimes, like today, the baking is for me. Not for me to eat, but for me to experience the pleasure of creating something, of knowing that there are things stable and certain. Cupcakes might be a strange place to find peace of mind, but for me it works. And I'm just happy I know where to find that quietude of mind, when I need it, and, like baking, it is certain and it always works.